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No affection in relationship

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Dear Bella: I am 39 years old and I am presently in a relationship with this young woman who is 26.

We have been together for about one and a half years, and for some reason I cannot get her to show me some personal affection which would give me the assurance that she is really interested in me.

For me, I think of her every day, shower her with kisses, hugs, send her sweet texts and do the little I can for her - all to ensure that she feels loved and cherished.

On the other hand, she does not do the same and seldom helps me do little things at my home. I find it strange for someone in a relationship to behave this way.

With her, I practically have to initiate everything including kisses, hugs and sex. This is getting to me as I feel there is a lack of interest and she is just with me for the wrong reasons.

I am constantly mentioning my concerns to her, but those have fallen on death ears. Am I just being a fool in love?


Dear Sir: There is certainly something wrong with your relationship. After almost two years together, your girlfriend should feel comfortable enough to show you some affection. The fact that you’ve mention this concern to her, and she still makes no effort to make you feel loved, should be a red flag.

At 39, you should be in a more stable relationship where you feel loved and wanted. It may be that your girlfriend is simply not interested in a long term relationship with you, and is hanging on until someone better comes along.

You should not commit any more time to such a relationship. Move on. I am certain that someone as open and loving as you will soon find a more suitable partner.

Bella
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Subscribe to comments feed Comments (22 posted):

Tim Dunn on February 12, 2010 10:23:18 PM
Never come to any conclusions until you have heard both sides of the story and met both people. My 2 cents after having been a counselor for many years.
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Szavazok Szavazok
concern on February 10, 2010 02:21:26 PM
I agree with Sweets.
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Szavazok Szavazok
Am I just a fool in love? on February 09, 2010 10:53:29 PM
YES.
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Szavazok Szavazok
Forgot to mention everything on February 09, 2010 12:33:44 PM
I find this person's story a little too pat. I suspect he forgot to mention the betrayal or the abuse that led to this young lady's withdrawl. Men in these Virgin Islands are horribly verbally abusive to their mates. They say things to their mates they wouldn't say to a dog on the street and then expect tons affection. Further they engage in the worst acts of betrayal and you are to go on like nothing has happened.

It may be this woman has retreated into herself to protect herself from a vicious onslaught of denigrating words or she may have withdrawn to cope with a betrayal.
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Szavazok Szavazok
hurt right now on February 09, 2010 09:58:59 AM
u know we only read wat u said but we dont know if u did any thing to hurt this person earlier in this relationship or u give her cause to be insecure about u. Cause i dont c u doing all these things n she is showing u no concern.Well i can say for sure may b u did somthing that is not forgiven did u?
1
Szavazok Szavazok
SLICK BLIZZARD cause I'm COLD like that! on February 09, 2010 08:52:05 AM
Continue to pay her bills and get no affection! There is a SUCKER BORN EVERY MINUTE! LMAO!
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Szavazok Szavazok
gwen on February 08, 2010 09:30:00 PM
Could it be that your girlfriend has been molested as a child,and that she is incapable of displaying affection? have you asked her what kind of relationship she has/had with her father? I find some thing wrong with this picture that a "normal' woman is incapable of affection unless she has scars that have not healed or issues that she have not addressed. Why don't you give her the benefit of the doubt and get some professional counseling before you give her the boot.. It seems like you care a great deal about this woman, but its obvious that she is hiding from something that she is either unable to deal with or doesn't know how to deal with it. I applaud you for hanging in there for one and a half years. I am also curious as to what you will find out. Keep us up dated. God bless.
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Szavazok Szavazok
i on February 08, 2010 09:18:14 PM
you felt that the relationship is lack of interest it's not like that boo
maybe u should express your feelings to her more then she'll do the same.because if u dont she would think that you're alright in the relationship.
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Szavazok Szavazok
ch on February 08, 2010 04:54:19 PM
She is definitely not interested in you. Even if she didn't grow up with a father or her family didn't show her affection, is no excuse why she can't be mildly romantic. Cut your losses and move on to someone who can appreciate you.
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Szavazok Szavazok
Male or Female writer.... on February 08, 2010 04:48:01 PM
The writer did not say if he is MALE or FEMALE, but folks still thinking the worst. Yeah, the relationship is not healthy based on what was shared but I still think there's LOTS more to this one...to the writer (female/male) it's time for you to throw the towels in and get off that emotional ride....that's too much!!
1
Szavazok Szavazok
Sweets on February 08, 2010 04:46:29 PM
Dear Sir,

I think that you already know the answer to your questions, but you're afraid to admit it to yourself. You can not and should not wait around for this young lady to come to her senses. She's clearly not that interested and you should stop wasting your time.

I don't think that a older man dating a younger woman is a problem, but there are some risks involved. You need to e very careful of what you get into, especially where there's such a gap in the age difference. Try not to talk AT her about your feelings, but try talking TO her and see how it goes. If there's no change then you know what to do.

Keep in mind that she's only 26 and may not be ready for the type of relationship that you're hoping for. She may not be ready fro such a serious relationship, or she's interested in someone else. Explain to her that you are a age where you need to be in a stable relationship.

I'm only 24, but I can understand where your coming from and I just hope that you know there's alot to think about before approaching her

All the best!
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Szavazok Szavazok
SLICK BLAK on February 08, 2010 04:02:28 PM
LMAO!LMAO!LMAO! WITH ME FOR THE WRONG REASONS! U THINK! LMAO LMAO!
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Szavazok Szavazok
Jake on February 08, 2010 03:49:50 PM
He should have mentioned or give some information about their sex life. That could have explained a great deal.
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Szavazok Szavazok
PressurePills on February 08, 2010 02:31:16 PM
Maybe she has interest in women cause that's hot around town these days...but truly, you at 39 and she's 26 could mean that she still has a childish mentality, have not been truly appreciative before and don't know how to accept you. Find yourself a good woman...lots of them who desire men like you are out there.
4
Szavazok Szavazok
Kate on February 08, 2010 02:17:14 PM
Maybe she grew up in a home where hugs and kisses were never on the agenda and she was just there. Can you get her to open up a little about her past? That might help you understand what is going on with her.
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Szavazok Szavazok
Heights on February 08, 2010 02:08:34 PM
Two Words...."Gold Digger" She only wants you for what you can do for her. Plenty single ladies out there looking for a man to cherish her and you wasting your time on this lady. Please move on....You will realize that you have done the correct thing and you will find true happiness that you deserve.
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Szavazok Szavazok
The truth on February 08, 2010 02:08:16 PM
There is a age gap in this relationship.That is one of the major part of the problem. Plus this man needs to do a back ground check to see if this young woman has or had an influential man in her life. At 26 if she had no father or man to show her how to relate to a man, maybe that is the reason. I can attest to that and I am a man also. Bro you just need to come out and make a decision. She may not see it now but later on if you all move on she will remember you especially if she gets with someone who does not do the same. The choice is always ours to make. Stay or move on. All the best in your decision!
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Szavazok Szavazok
Crown on February 08, 2010 01:57:54 PM
She only using you financially.
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Szavazok Szavazok
Furious on February 08, 2010 01:45:42 PM
Wha u complaining bout my man left me for an older woman.
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Szavazok Szavazok
Kay on February 08, 2010 01:45:07 PM
I somewhat agree with bellas advice but probably this lady is not even custom to the kind of attention you have been showing her and so, it results in her not being appreciative. Sometimes ppl don't know how to accept being loved. If you love her that much I think you should continue to have the relationship but just don't be all caught up into it. I guess if you stop showing her all that affection then she will begin to appreciate the things you do to make her feel comfortable. If not, as bella said, that's a red-flag and you should get moving on to better things at your age.
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Szavazok Szavazok
STAND UP GUY on February 08, 2010 01:38:47 PM
man time to move on u said it best she have interest yep and in you. yes some young woman like older man and are happy to be with them but it seems to me all you is to her is a SUGAR DADY and nothingg else stop giving so much and watch her complain she in it for er self and not you strate talk keep it real.
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Szavazok Szavazok
on February 08, 2010 01:32:44 PM
There could be many factors and you should consider each. 1)She may be a woman who isn't interested in you at all but for the material things you give her. Sad to say but there are alot of females who have no education, cannot get a decent job or earn a living and seek out men merely for support. Some men enjoy this as it gives them a feeling of superiority but they will never be loved by the woman; 2) There is another man; 3)You're suffocating her. Most women don't want a man to be constantly texting them or calling them all day. It truly becomes annoying. Have you ever been around a needy woman that drove you nuts? It's the same thing; or 4) she may have a very low sex-drive that could have underlying medical reasons.

Exept for the last issue it seems your girl is just not that into you. There are more fish in the sea and plenty of single woman who would love to have a committed relationship with someone who can express love for them.
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Szavazok Szavazok
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