Dear Bella: I live with my boyfriend and our two-year-old son. We have had our issues but managed, somehow, to get over them. But there is one thing. He has a woman calling him every night at 11 p.m.

I have spoken to him about it, expressed my dissatisfaction, and told him that he is disrespecting me, but he doesn’t agree.  He tells me, he cannot tell his friends what time to call him!!!  And that it is HIS phone! He tells me I want to control him!

To add insult to injury, recently, when she called at about 10:30, we were already in bed, watching TV, he told her that he would call her back, obviously, because I was there.  At about 11 p.m., he left the bed, went outside to his car, made his call, and stayed speaking to her for about 30 minutes!

I find that totally disgusting, and yes, lack of respect for me, and the relationship that I share with him.   Note, this is not the only time he has done it. He doesn’t want to ask the woman stop.  I have concluded that she is more important to him than his own family. So, I have asked him to leave the house.  It’s my apartment. 

My question is, for the sake of the child, do you believe it is a wise decision? Our son is very attached to him, and asks for his daddy, whenever his daddy is not around.  Do you think that my decision will have an effect on him? 

Dear Madam: Your decision may have been too hasty. Remember, you are not the only one who will be affected. As you pointed out, your son is very attached to his dad. Such a move will undoubtedly affect him, he is too young to understand what is going on and may even feel that he is somehow responsible for his dad’s departure.

Furthermore, you have little proof that the calls are from someone other than a ‘friend’. Has your boyfriend left the house to meet with his late night caller? Remember, although you are in a relationship he will feel better if he feels that he has his own space to explore activities and friendships outside of the relationship. You should be doing the same.

Finally, my advice to you is to wait until you have more concrete evidence of an inappropriate relationship between your boyfriend and his late night caller. Don’t allow your emotions to propel you into a decision that you may later regret.

Bella
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